Author: Z. Pane

To Do or Not to Do… Oral Sex?

In relationships you need to lay your boundaries out in the beginning. This can
sometimes be a difficult discussion but it is extremely important.

One thing that should be consistent in ANY relationship is Oral Sex.

Ladies, it is time to grow up and stop the “I’m not doing it because it will give me
cancer” stage. If it pleases your man it’s time to drop down and try it.

Men, and I say MEN for a reason. If you are not doing what it takes to please your woman, you can’t expect her to do it. Too many women have not had the opportunity to experience a real orgasm due to your selfishness. Making the headboard bang is only a part of it.

Truth is… This is a two way street.

If you are nervous about your partner not enjoying themselves, ask them to talk you
through it. The process will teach you both how listen, to each other and bring
you guys closer together sexually.

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Can his friends be my friends also?

Image result for my friendsEntering a relationship is like entering a business venture. You have your friends and your partner has theirs. The struggle begins when strong bonds are built with the friends of your partner. You may get confused on where their loyalty stands.

In the case of a separation, you should be able to walk away with what you started with including your friends. To some this may sound a little over the top but its better this way.

What are your thoughts?

Emotional vs. Sexual Cheating, which would you prefer?

Emotional connectionsestablished with someone by sharing inner worlds, confiding hopes, dream and disappointments and supporting each other’s goals. It works two ways; it’s not a connection unless it’s mutual.

When loved ones are unhappy they tend to reach out to others for what is missing in their relationship. Some people reach out for sex, but relationships are not built sex alone. I can tell you now; sex is NOT as hurtful as an emotional connection.

If emotions are missing in your relationship you need to reach out to the only one who can help you. YOUR PARTNER! Emotional cheating is a failure to many relationships and hurts both parties involved.

How do I start this conversation with my partner?

These types of conversations are never easy to have and some may feel like a nag/punk for even bring it up. The solution is simple: if you don’t acknowledge the situation it could never be resolved.

Ladies: Men like to hear the facts they don’t want to hear too much about your feelings. Give it to them straight.

  • “Baby you’re slacking on your job”
  • “Baby we need to fix this, because this is not working

Gentlemen: Women are in the middle, they don’t want to hear your sob stories and they don’t want you to smack them with the truth. Women need an approach with details that connects them to a memory.

  • “Baby remember when you would text me good morning? I miss those”
  • “Baby you use to write me love letters, what happened?”

Always remember it is NEVER ok to start speaking to someone outside of your relationship about issues in your relationship.

Dating… What’s my role?

If a man is expected to open doors and pay for dinner, what is a woman’s role on a date?

This has been a recent controversial topic. Women are becoming more independent and want to play more of a role on a date. Women now ask men on dates and reach for their wallets when the bill comes. I’m going to take a side; some men might disagree with my thoughts below.

Ladies, independence is good, but you are not the man in the relationship. You need to relax and let a man be a man. If you are on a date it is expected that he pay for the bill. This doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to contribute. You can add the tip.

Your role on a date is to be sexy as hell and have good conversation. Concentrate on that.

What gets you off???

Myself, I would have to say that I enjoy oral sex over the actual act itself. I just enjoy foreplay. The anticipation of it all makes actual intercourse so much more enjoyable.

When I have this discussion amongst friends, it tends to be a split down the middle of the preference. Hell, you might enjoy a combo of the two or something else that I may not be aware of. At the end of the day, its really about what gets you off!

Playing with Fire… Blurring the Lines Between Friends and Lovers.

Is it okay to have sex with a friend?

The short answer is yes. If both parties are ok with it, Sex with a friend can be a very enjoyable experience. However most of the time with sex comes feelings.

The importance is having a solid understanding between you and the other person regarding what you both want from the experience. If you know that you are really feeling this person and sex may confuse things DON’T do it. It may be easier said than done especially if you are really attracted to the person however it’s best to walk away from the fire.

People often try and hide the way they feel about someone else because they don’t want to scare the person off or they’re afraid of rejection. The only person you would be hurting is yourself.

If you are going to blur the lines between friends and lovers make sure your vision is clear on what you want.

Biggest Turn Offs???

When you’re turned on and ready to get down and dirty, your partner decides to tell you “I got to take a dump” = MOOD KILLER

I was having a conversation with a group of friends the other day and topic turned to mood killers. From passing gas to talking too much, we had a list going strong.

There is nothing worse than during sex; your partner decides he wants to switch you into 25 different positions. Fellas this is a MOOD KILLER, women take time to get into their groove switching it up so frequently just makes us aggravated.

Ladies, when you know you are going to see your man, and there might be a chance of intercourse DO NOT wear your big grandma panties = MOOD KILLER. Men want to unwrap a sexy package and face it ladies those big ass grandma panties are not sexy.

What are your MOOD KILLERS?

What’s Your Number? Double Standards

Is this a conversation people still have in the beginning of their relationships?

The other day a good friend of mine and I had a conversation regarding sexual partners. He was very clear on what he feels is an acceptable number of partners for a woman. “If she can’t count the number of partners she has had on her hands it’s time to move on.”

This very thought to me is a Double Standard. Men can have as many partners and be viewed as “the man”. A woman on the other hand is viewed as a hoe if her number goes over the “acceptable” amount.

A conversation should be had around your sexual health not around the number of individual sexual partners? Sexual health is very important when starting a new relationship. More than we would like to admit, we enter someone’s bed without knowing their sexual health.

When meeting someone new don’t be afraid to ask questions, just make sure you are asking the right questions.

Dating him all over again… Starting from the beginning.

We were separated for 6 months and recently started dating again. When I say date I mean date. He calls me, takes me out,  and we talk. We both really care about each other but as I told him, I’m protecting myself.
We were together for 5 years and he cheated on me. Yep he cheated on me.  As I told him, I’m not trying to get back what we had because obviously something wasn’t right.
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Over the past month I’ve been feeling a little closer to him. I know I want to be with him, but the fear of it all is driving me crazy.

For right now we are just going to take it one day at a time.

Should we live together before marriage?

When in a relationship how important is it before taking the step to marriage that you live together? A few days ago, this was the topic of discussion between me and a friend. He argued that you don’t really know a person until you live with them, so therefore it is important to live with your significant other before marriage. My BF and I have been together for 2 year and things are looking serious. Is this something I should be considering?

ADVICE

I grew up in an old fashion home; living together was not an option before marriage. Now in my own relationship headed towards the alter, I have forged my own opinion.

Marriage is a serious topic; living together should not be the test you need to pass before you decide to marry. If you are considering marriage think about the following questions:

  1. Have you met his family? Do they like you or you them?
  2. Are your finances in order and can you talk about them?
  3. Can you stand to look at them after an argument?
  4. Does he/she respect you?
  5. Can he/she be your one and only?
  6. How supportive are you of each other?
  7. Can you live with all their habits and character traits?
  8. Is the intimacy lifelong good?
  9. Do they provide you with the space needed?
  10. Do you want children and if so how many?

Don’t get me wrong; moving into together is also a serious commitment. When deciding to take this step you should view the other person as someone you are committed to and not someone you want to help pay the bills.