Ask Zoe

Should we live together before marriage?

When in a relationship how important is it before taking the step to marriage that you live together? A few days ago, this was the topic of discussion between me and a friend. He argued that you don’t really know a person until you live with them, so therefore it is important to live with your significant other before marriage. My BF and I have been together for 2 year and things are looking serious. Is this something I should be considering?

ADVICE

I grew up in an old fashion home; living together was not an option before marriage. Now in my own relationship headed towards the alter, I have forged my own opinion.

Marriage is a serious topic; living together should not be the test you need to pass before you decide to marry. If you are considering marriage think about the following questions:

  1. Have you met his family? Do they like you or you them?
  2. Are your finances in order and can you talk about them?
  3. Can you stand to look at them after an argument?
  4. Does he/she respect you?
  5. Can he/she be your one and only?
  6. How supportive are you of each other?
  7. Can you live with all their habits and character traits?
  8. Is the intimacy lifelong good?
  9. Do they provide you with the space needed?
  10. Do you want children and if so how many?

Don’t get me wrong; moving into together is also a serious commitment. When deciding to take this step you should view the other person as someone you are committed to and not someone you want to help pay the bills.

Advertisements

Am I wrong for wanting more time?

My GF is training for a marathon and runs A LOT. I’m fine and encourage this but when we are over at her place for the weekends, my place being much smaller and I have roommates, she wants to go for one to two-hour runs and leaves me in her apartment. I live about half an hour away and told her I didn’t like being left alone in her place because it’s boring for me. But the thing is we usually have plans for that afternoon and she doesn’t see the point for me to travel back to my place and she gets annoyed that I’m not at home in her place. I goofed and said that she’s not valuing my time as much as hers and that I’m not her pet to be left at home to wait on her while she does her runs. She said that she’s training and needs to run and I should just get over myself and find something to do at her apartment because my traveling back and forth is stupid. Am I wrong to feel that it’s my time and if I don’t want to be at her place I can leave? Am I wrong for not feeling totally at ease in her place without her? Am I being a dick?

Me (28) and my GF (28) have been dating for about 5 months and things have been good with only about three big arguments that mainly happened because we were both drunk.

ADVICE

In relationship you need to be supportive to the things that are important to your partner. The training must be very important for her and while training for marathons you need to keep a schedule so you won’t get injured the day of. If this continues after the race, then I would have a conversation with her, but until then bring your laptop, books and movies and be there for her.

Should I be completely honest with my partner?

I’ve been in a relationship for the past 3 months and feel like I need to keep somethings about myself private. Am I wrong, should I be completely honest with your partner?

– Gina, PA

ADVICE

Yes. You should be completely honest with your partner, however it may depend on what you are holding back. If this is something that could potentially come back and ruin your relationship, it is best to come clean early on. Relationships are to be built on trust and honesty. I’ve learn that sometimes being honest can hurt the ones we love but holding things in can hurt them even more. You want to build a foundation, it starts in the beginning