Relationships

What’s Your Number? Double Standards

Is this a conversation people still have in the beginning of their relationships?

The other day a good friend of mine and I had a conversation regarding sexual partners. He was very clear on what he feels is an acceptable number of partners for a woman. “If she can’t count the number of partners she has had on her hands it’s time to move on.”

This very thought to me is a Double Standard. Men can have as many partners and be viewed as “the man”. A woman on the other hand is viewed as a hoe if her number goes over the “acceptable” amount.

A conversation should be had around your sexual health not around the number of individual sexual partners? Sexual health is very important when starting a new relationship. More than we would like to admit, we enter someone’s bed without knowing their sexual health.

When meeting someone new don’t be afraid to ask questions, just make sure you are asking the right questions.

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Dating him all over again… Starting from the beginning.

We were separated for 6 months and recently started dating again. When I say date I mean date. He calls me, takes me out,  and we talk. We both really care about each other but as I told him, I’m protecting myself.
We were together for 5 years and he cheated on me. Yep he cheated on me.  As I told him, I’m not trying to get back what we had because obviously something wasn’t right.
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Over the past month I’ve been feeling a little closer to him. I know I want to be with him, but the fear of it all is driving me crazy.

For right now we are just going to take it one day at a time.

Should we live together before marriage?

When in a relationship how important is it before taking the step to marriage that you live together? A few days ago, this was the topic of discussion between me and a friend. He argued that you don’t really know a person until you live with them, so therefore it is important to live with your significant other before marriage. My BF and I have been together for 2 year and things are looking serious. Is this something I should be considering?

ADVICE

I grew up in an old fashion home; living together was not an option before marriage. Now in my own relationship headed towards the alter, I have forged my own opinion.

Marriage is a serious topic; living together should not be the test you need to pass before you decide to marry. If you are considering marriage think about the following questions:

  1. Have you met his family? Do they like you or you them?
  2. Are your finances in order and can you talk about them?
  3. Can you stand to look at them after an argument?
  4. Does he/she respect you?
  5. Can he/she be your one and only?
  6. How supportive are you of each other?
  7. Can you live with all their habits and character traits?
  8. Is the intimacy lifelong good?
  9. Do they provide you with the space needed?
  10. Do you want children and if so how many?

Don’t get me wrong; moving into together is also a serious commitment. When deciding to take this step you should view the other person as someone you are committed to and not someone you want to help pay the bills.

The Independent Woman and Her Faults

Let the MAN be the MAN.

As times are changing and women are becoming more and more career focused,  it is important for us to make sure we are still taking care of home and letting our MEN remain the MAN of the household. This is simple, don’t expect your man to do all the heavy house work, because you are working. Don’t get me wrong, everything should not  fall on us, however as women our primary responsibility is to take care of our partners and our home.

Some of you might not agree with me, but as a woman who works very hard and wants nothing more than to come home and put my feet up, There is still work to be done:

  1. Women QuoteDinner– COOK. We need to get ourselves back in the kitchen and make a meal. Although you maybe busy with work, you should still plan to cook at least 3 times during the week including Sunday. This does not mean that your man will never cook you a meal, but let that be a surprise.
  2. House Keeping– CLEAN. Cleaning has always been and should remain something we do on a regular basis. This should be a joint effort, but as a lady this is something you should lead on. This might be a hard task to do because you are busy with deadlines and due dates, however it is possible.
  3. Keep it Sexy– GLAM. Ladies I can not stress enough the importance of NEVER losing your SEXY. It is easy to come home and put on an oversize T-shirts and baggy sweatpants but what a turn off that is. Find yourself some simple but sexy negligees  and wear them.

Dating Someone with Kids…Worth it?

It’s hard to find someone now a days without a child, so dating someone with a child has become a topic of discussion. Personally I’ve dating 3 people with children and had a different experiences each time. In each relationship I was faced with a new challenge.

In my first relationship TIME became an issue. The person I was dating had a great relationship with the mother of his child, which should always be the case. This strong relationship however started coming between us. It could’ve been me but I always felt there was more going on between them. I found myself fighting for his attention which should never be the case in any relationship. In the end we decided we would just be friends and he is currently working things out with the mother of his child.

I should’ve known my next relationship was not going to make it when he didn’t inform me he had a child. He then got mad at me for not being happy when he casually mentioned it was his sons 1st birthday. HONESTY is a pillar in any relationship. After 6 months of no communication, he and I are now friends.

My last relationship was the hardest. My partner and I were together for 1.5 years. She had a beautiful daughter I cared very much about. During the first year everything was perfect. Her daughter and I got along very well and besides almost losing her in McDonalds everything was good. When we started going through our rough patch that’s when things got a little COMPLICATED. We ended up breaking up on pretty bad terms and I lost a relationship with a girl I had grown attached to. After 2 years my ex and I are on ok terms but my relationship with her daughter is nonexistent.

Not all relationship will turn out like mine.  Although my experiences haven’t turned out the way I’d
hoped, I’m still open to dating someone with a child. Every bad experience prepares you for a new experience.

Who says “the man” must always pay? 

To reach or not to reach, that is the question. The other day I went out to dinner with my significant other. This dinner wasn’t planned it was more a spur of the moment type of thing. Here is the dilemma- Who pays?
After a lovely meal the waitress places down the check. Then comes the awkward pause of who is going to pick it up.

Is it based on where the waitress places it?

Is it something that is automatically assumed?

Is it ever up for discussion?

Three minutes pass and no one has made a move, so finally I take it upon myself to take it up. What does my fellow dinner date do you ask….. Not a damn thing. I pay for the dinner and the night is through. 

Are men always to pay for dinner? NO

Should he always be prepared to pay for dinner? YES.

What are your thoughts? 

Why Do We Make Excuses For Poor Behavior?

Why are women often making excuses for their man’s behavior? We need to do better.

We need to be stronger & learn not to just deal with the bullshit but address it. If a man chooses to be in a relationship, he is choosing to be connected to you and all that comes with you. So once he has made that decision he needs to act like it. If he does something you disagree with, you have a choice to deal with it or move on.

Picture this…

You’ve been in a relationship for  two years and you and your partner decided to take the step of moving in together. In the beginning everything was excusesgreat, you would cook him dinner and he would rub your feet after a long day at work.

Then the honeymoon phase wore off and shit got real. He started switching things up on you. You found yourself watching the shows you use to watch together alone. You come home to an empty house 6 out of 7 days a week and he doesn’t even ask you how your day was.

Now ladies, here is where we often go wrong. We start questioning ourselves as if we did something wrong.

“Does he not want to be with me anymore?”

                               “Did I do something to upset him?”

                                                         “Is he upset because he didn’t get some the other night?”

What we really should be doing is approaching the situation head on. Explain the way you’ve been feeling openly and honestly. If you are feeling disrespected, unappreciated or lonely let him know

USE YOUR WORDS!!!

“Babe you have been staying out much later than you use to and it’s beginning to upset me”.

“Babe the other night I cooked dinner and you didn’t come home in time for us to eat together. When I asked you why you said you were busy. That hurt my feelings”.

You need to name the behaviors he has showcased and eliminate sentences like…

“When you did that the other night, you pissed me off”

Men want to know what “that” is, and we need to spell it out for them. Once this conversation has been had it is up to your man to make the changes necessary to put your mind at ease.

Remember you do not need to stay in a relationship out of fear of being alone.

F not wanting to be alone, what happened to being respected?

How can I forgive you, when all I want to do is hurt you?

How can I forgive you, when all I want to do is hurt you?

When I look at you all I see is lies. When you speak all I hear is decite. Forgiving you is 11i-forgive-you-imagewhat I want to do, however it’s much harder than I thought. I want nothing more than to forget the pain ever happened, but it’s not possible. Every place I look, every memory I have is tainted. Tainted by betrayal.
I want to scream at the top of my lungs, I want to stop pretending that everything is ok. I’m hurting because of you. I’m feeling this way because of you. For someone to hurt me the way you did and me to forgive them, I must be out my mind. You lied and broke the trust I thought was impenetrable.
Now I look at you and I want to hurt you. But I can’t do that because I love you. I think of you why didn’t you think of me.
So I ask you this question, How can I forgive you, when all I want to do is hurt you?

Should I be completely honest with my partner?

I’ve been in a relationship for the past 3 months and feel like I need to keep somethings about myself private. Am I wrong, should I be completely honest with your partner?

– Gina, PA

ADVICE

Yes. You should be completely honest with your partner, however it may depend on what you are holding back. If this is something that could potentially come back and ruin your relationship, it is best to come clean early on. Relationships are to be built on trust and honesty. I’ve learn that sometimes being honest can hurt the ones we love but holding things in can hurt them even more. You want to build a foundation, it starts in the beginning